“I wander.

I have always been a wanderer.

A seeker of distant lands.

Until I lost all words.

Until my mouth had known your kiss.

Then and only then, I stood still.”

-I think I had took on lovers for the reasons many people do.

All sorts of reasons, really.

But the main one that sticks out:

Running from ones-self.

I think I traveled-loved-loved-traveled and so on because I was terrified of just BEing.

Just being here. Right here. With myself. Empty hands and yet FULL.

I didn’t want to face what “HERE ” meant, because I didn’t like here.

I didn’t like who I was or where I was physically or metaphorically.

I wouldn’t trade those times, those memories and especially those lessons of course.

But right now I am looking at me:

The often emotional,

wildly creative,

messy haired woman.

Who is really learning grace and acceptance of herself like everyone else.

I look at all the running i’ve done and frankly I am tired.

Do you know what I mean?

I am sure you know all too well.

-Last year I began a process of digging deep into my  shadow and feeling out the possibilities of having really rich soil inside.

I began to:




It hasn’t been easy.

But it has been good!

I have found that when I chose last year to plant myself.

To learn to be “alone”.

To lay down roots for once and be with me, myself and I.

I feel so much more vitality.

I learned to brush up against my own flesh and bone.

I learned to fill my own mouth, heart and soul.

NOW -I feel ready to explore the world again with a knowing that I am not running, but offering myself to the world.

I feel a new strength rooted in my feet, my belly, my chest to grow the relationship with my lover  into a wondrously thriving, rare thing.

I feel ready to cultivate the very things I used to use as a distraction from facing those shadows.