IMG_1527You My Phoenix Rose,
He has just left you, walking out of your life forever. He isn’t coming back. This is where the life you have known ends and a new one begins. I have good and bad news about this new life. Right now you “feel” broken, but you are not. Far from it. Broken means something is wrong with you, it means you need fixing. This is simply not true. You were and never have been broken; although many times over you will feel this way. Instead you are lost. Lost in beliefs that are not rooted in truth. You will remain lost for a while, and he although the first, will not be the last to leave. In the coming years::::

1: You will be so fucking Brave. Insanely brave. Hurt, lose, pain, shut people down and numb them out. Being here in this world -open- is hard. It takes courage. It is far easier to close up and down. You know it isn’t worth it, the cost of numbing out is far too great. What you would loose in return isn’t worth it. So don’t. Over and over you will instead Open. Open. Open. This vulnerability to some, seems foolish. Again you know better. You are wise and Brave and know openness is the only way into love given and love received.

2: You will realize that the belief you held that you were worthless, is what caused you so much pain. Not a reality that you actually were worthless. When you let go of this belief. Pain left with it. To be human means you are worthy. Inherently, totally and completely worth it.

3: Practice gratitude. Gratitude will be your prayers of thanks, that open you to the vantage point of abundance. Your ability to receive, perceive, love and give will widen. Gratitude is essential to truly live.

4: Know now that you are a seeker, a healer, a creatrix, a mystic, a empath, a story teller and a lover. This will not change.

5: You will meet a man who will become your pen pale he will be your biggest fan and help you realize that there is indeed still good in the world. He will cheer you on as you realize the worth of your gifts. You will meet a woman in a distant land. She will walk in a room and everyone will feel her presence. She will be a woman you desire to be like. She will befriend you and you will feel honored by the gift of her presence. She teaches you to embody your own presence. That you don’t actually want to be “like” her, you want to be more like yourself. Walking, rising in your own fullness. She will show you the way- by living and showing up to her own life.

6: You will be ill for many years. This dis-ease will stem from many places and it will take years of uprooting, cutting, digging, replacing, replanting. You will conquer it many times over. Sometimes on mountain tops. Sometimes in choosing a job you love. Other time in his arms while trying again and again. And other times in your mind you will create healing. It is a slow process for you but a process that is worth fighting for.

7: Your body is the only constant thing you have. You can indeed walk away from relationships, jobs and places. But everywhere you go, so too, your body will go. You begin to see a thing you once believe only brought pain as a beautiful gift. You will see how she radiantly carried you, served you, communicated to you, enlightened you, awakened you and brought you home. She is your constant companion. She won’t leave you and you can’t leave her. You will make peace with this.

8: You will do what you have to do. This won’t always look like what the world says is what one “should” do. But you know… trust in your gut, your intuition, your heart. Also let’s throw away should’s, they get on your nerves.

9: You will remember the day when you gave away your voice. The day you resigned that it didn’t matter, whatever it had to say. No one was listening anyway. You will remember the origins of your voice rising. The flame and the ash- rising. You will one day know its power. You know unleashing it and with holding it both -are power. You know that you are the only one that holds the power of your voice.

10: Consume many books. You will learn stories matter a hell of a lot. Stories will walk you through seven years of being lost. They will bring you home. Stories are medicine theirs and yours. Stories are embodied voice. They are the words Namaste incarnate. “I honor you, they say.

11: You will learn to write yourself down, off the ledge and out of lows into truth. You will learn to write until the origins are transformed.

12: You will learn that it isn’t about what you were not. He left because he couldn’t commit. He left because he couldn’t make up his mind. He left because he just wasn’t right. You will learn that sometimes anothers actions have little to do with who you are or are not and more to do with who they are or are not.

13: When you live out your dreams you are the most radiant version of yourself. Do this often. Its sexy.

14: Begin cooking with attention and slowness. Place the garlic on oiled tortilla just so. With care. With gratitude. With presence. Small acts such as attention are nourishment to our souls just as the food is nourishment to our bodies.

15: You will eventually walk away from friendship whom you loved so dearly there was a time you imagined never being without them. There comes a time when you continued to grow and open to love and they do not. Walk away with love but not regret.

16: You will also walk away from a job that wasn’t wrong  per-say but it certainly wasn’t right. You will become an artist full time. You will be terrified. You will be in uncharted territory. You will face many fears. Seven months will pass, all your bills will have been paid for from your art. You will still sometimes doubt your ability to keep going. But you know can look back with gratitude and joy that you are standing brave on the rocks as you had always desired to do. You are choosing the life you wanted. The life that makes you come alive.

17: You will adore being a house wife as you always believed you would.

18: Your imagination creates your reality. Be intentional in your thought life dear one.

19: You will come to find that “happiness” isn’t the point. Though many say and act as though it is.
Love. Love is the point. This love doesn’t always walk the paths of “happiness.” It isn’t always safe or easy. It doesn’t always make sense. But love will guide you. Love speaks what is true. Love will ask you to walk into uncomfortable places, sometimes even very painful places. Love allows you to rise, come alive, heal, give and grow.

Love is the point. So you will -open- over and over to the vulnerability of love. This will be your legacy.

20: Bird song will sooth your anxious soul. It will awaken your inner wisdom. Get out into the wild and hear her speak to you.

21: You will leave your religion and discover your faith.

22: You will set majors boundaries at the cost of loosing face. Because you are worth the boundaries.

23: You won’t demand respect. Because you know as humans respect is our right. If someone doesn’t treat you with respect you will leave. Plain and simple. You don’t demand it, force it, or beg for it. This won’t produce respect. Nor do you want the bi-product of these demands.

24: You will come to understand that it’s not that you don’t like people. It is more about needing your time to regenerate so that you are full when you are socializing. You value solitude. You see it’s importance. People are so used to spreading themselves too thin, far too thin. That they may not understand your no. Some are not being honest that this spreading doesn’t serve them either. Your body communicate what you need, honor her.

25: You will learn how to live in your rhythm or rather you will learn to respect your inner rhythm. The slow dancing days are what you love most. The days that are all detail, the kind you can soak in. When sunsets melt and silence is heard and arms warp around bodies as lovers lull into sleep.

Sultry is your rhythm. Slow.. intentional enjoying of your seductive life…

26: You will fall in love with a man. You will know complete and utter comfortability- in the best way possible. There are no room for inhibitions in his presence just love… this is sanctuary.

27: They say you don’t choose who you fall in love with and you learn early on they are wrong. You choose love daily. Love for him. Love for yourself. Love for life.

28: You will learn the art of living. In both metaphorical and literal terms. You will discover your own possibilities, your own aliveness in the balance of creating.

29: You will give yourself permission to feel it all without shame, because for so long you lived in the shadow of shame.

30: You will travel out of ache. In hopes to fill the void. You will travel across continents, through 9 countries. This ache drove you. You collected along the way not pieces that could fill you. But treasures of how to return home when one gets lost again. You learn how to be with your own ache. With yourself.

31: You will wake up 7 years from now and love your life for the very first time. Free of the depression that has plagued you for what seems like a life time. You will be free.

It won’t be a gift, because gifts are freely given. It will be a victory, because you have fought your whole life for that moment.