Raven, My Shadow Side.

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“For those of us with one foot in the shadowlands it can take extra care and time. We long to linger in the moments.” -Katariina Fagering

I feel as of late more than one foot have snuck over to the shadow lands.

The heaviness has felt like a cloud slowly rolling in.

Deeper and deeper it has stolen me away.

But today I choose to learn from the shadow land but no longer linger.

I allow the shadow to transform into the small soft body of a Raven.

I see it’s tender breast and it’s silky feathers.

I thank it for what it has taught me.

For the questions it helped me ask.

For the answers my own voice uttered.

No longer do I need to hold onto your dark form.

Without guilt or shame I admit you had been a comfort at times,

an excuse for my self destructive choices,

and with honesty we will meet again one day on a distant shore.

However, my dear Raven it is time you flew away.

I release you.

Wet, wild freedom.

IMG_7017I struggle getting down with what’s raw and naked in my soul.

I speak the life I’m wanting to inhabit.

But so often those words only live on edges.

At the end of finger tips.

In the bottom of glasses.

Like a day dream.

Of skinny dips.

Never knowing it’s real,

wet,

wild,

freedom.

I say words in hopes to convince.

Transform.

Something.

Anything.

Hopefully everything, that clings to the comfortable.

Clings to the contained.

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25 things to do before turning 26!

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I like dreaming up new possibilities. I like creating goals to go after.

But most of all I adore growing. So each year I do what people usually do on New Years Day on my birthday.

I make “resolutions” of sorts. I create a list of things I would like to accomplish or sew seeds into.

(Here is my list of 25 things to do before turning 26:)

1: Try a Bloody Mary.

2: Read a book a month. Any suggestions? I have 12 spots!

3: Organize all collage papers. WISH me luck!

4: Collaborate with 6 artists. Any takers?! :)

5: Travel to Colorado. BE in AWE of it’s majesty.

6: Snowboard or Ski with my love.

7: Travel to Bali. (Hold a monkey, explore it’s temples and feast on all the richness it’s markets have…)

8: Can my own food. Seriously why haven’t I?

9: Take my love to New York City. (Eat pretzels, ride the subways and hold each others hands A LOT.)

10: Write my dearest Katariina every month.

11: Finish all E-courses I have began.  I can’t wait to dig into Alena Hennessy’s “Year of Painting.” And Pixie Campbells  ”Woman is a river.”

12: Write an article about depression.

13: Take a course by: Isabel Faith Ibbott. (If you don’t know who she is, you should. A goddess of writing!)

14: Paint/Collage a large piece of art to hang in my new home with my love.

15: Lead 3 art work shops locally. (Inquire, I am dreaming up yummy connecting arty-ness. With tea and green houses and writing, it will be good.)

16: Water Nymph Series. (A chance to shine and feel radiant. A place to be truly seen.)

17: Outline “HOWL”. Stay posted I CANNOT wait until this baby is ready to come into the world!

18: BEgin tea rituals again. Idea from Lindsay Luna.  Agony of Leaves was a very inspiring and healing journey for me and I intend to begin again.

19: (This one is a secrete, I will share when it is time.)

20: Pursue publications.

21: Photograph some intimate shoots. Woman SHOULD feel sexy and seen. Get your lingerie ready or come without it. (Email me if your interested!)

22: Create a home with intention and attention. Photo’s to be shared when the home arrives to us!

23: ACTUALLY, FINALLY begin yoga. It has been calling me for what seems like forever. It is time to learn flexibility and breath through life.

24: Share gratitude lists on here.

25: Wed to my love on a autumn day. Fincham.

I am so thirsty for art.

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I have craved travel as of late.

Like a burn,

an ache…

I have wanted to wonder distant lands and be consumed by their culture.

I want to run my fingers through all the difference between them and me and then realize we are not at all that different.

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I have missed creating art like one misses their child.

I have missed paper filled with my words and paint smears.

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I have said it a thousand times – that I need to make time.

AND then I don’t.

 

He says: “I have noticed you haven’t been doing art lately.”

“Don’t feel guilty for taking the time to invest in art, instead of investing in me.

The best thing you can do for US is to create. It feeds you and thus it feeds us.”

I stood in awe. He was right.

I need to drink.

I am so thirsty.

 

I need art as I always have.

Maybe now more than ever.

As the busyness consumes.

I need it to comfort my body and help my soul rest.

I need it to channel all that goes on under this skin.

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(I want to collaborate with other artists.

I want to drink tea and listen to tribal music.

I desire to fill my journals and to guide people as they dive inside too.

I want to run wild with other woman and see them shine.

There is so much brewing, so much connection to be had.)