Today
Today
Yield to Maiden Sea.
“The creative act is not hanging on, but yielding to new creative movement.” -Joseph Campbell
The earth takes me into her.
She revitalizes my body like nothing else can.
Today I visited her.
I sat on her shores and drank her salty water.
I needed her.
Winter has taken it’s harsh tole on my body.
I feel thick, heavy, cold.
I let her breeze waft over and around my skin.
I swallowed her sunsets,
and caressed her skies.
I collected her treasures,
and wrote her poetry on my soul.
I carry the sea in me always.
Calm or stormy.
She is me.
SPILL, spill, spill.
“I wander.
I have always been a wanderer.
A seeker of distant lands.
Until I lost all words.
Until my mouth had known your kiss.
Then and only then, I stood still.”
-I think I had took on lovers for the reasons many people do.
All sorts of reasons, really.
But the main one that sticks out:
Running from ones-self.
I think I traveled-loved-loved-traveled and so on because I was terrified of just BEing.
Just being here. Right here. With myself. Empty hands and yet FULL.
I didn’t want to face what “HERE ” meant, because I didn’t like here.
I didn’t like who I was or where I was physically or metaphorically.
I wouldn’t trade those times, those memories and especially those lessons of course.
But right now I am looking at me:
The often emotional,
wildly creative,
messy haired woman.
Who is really learning grace and acceptance of herself like everyone else.
I look at all the running i’ve done and frankly I am tired.
Do you know what I mean?
I am sure you know all too well.
-Last year I began a process of digging deep into my shadow and feeling out the possibilities of having really rich soil inside.
I began to:
Unravel.
Examine.
Tend.
It hasn’t been easy.
But it has been good!
I have found that when I chose last year to plant myself.
To learn to be “alone”.
To lay down roots for once and be with me, myself and I.
I feel so much more vitality.
I learned to brush up against my own flesh and bone.
I learned to fill my own mouth, heart and soul.
NOW -I feel ready to explore the world again with a knowing that I am not running, but offering myself to the world.
I feel a new strength rooted in my feet, my belly, my chest to grow the relationship with my lover into a wondrously thriving, rare thing.
I feel ready to cultivate the very things I used to use as a distraction from facing those shadows.
Special Sight for Gorgeous Moments
This sky is a creamy ash color,
releasing bits of rain
nourishing the plants and dazzling on my skin.
Everything looks more pure in this light.
From the green of the leaves to the soft peach of the flower petals.
Taking a moment to pause and think about all that I have released and all that I want to continue shedding.
Allowing nature to guide me as I follow the seasons of my life into more abundance.
-We often wake up pale and creased and all the world has lost it’s color.
But what if we developed a special sight for gorgeous moments?
Little slow dimensions when our focus narrows and we can truly see all the savory goodness that lies before us!
(Today practice a focus shift. Try and find little treasures hidden in your day.)
Beginning with the Body.
“Caught in the swirling actions, thoughts, and journeys of others, we lose touch with our breath, our bodies, and the grounding center within us.”
-Patricia Lynn Reilly, Author of I Promise Myself (A great resource.)
My body.
How do I feel in it?
Lately?
I have been struggling to feel full of energy and life.
No matter how much I sleep, how much water I drink or what good foods I put into my body I feel tired.
I’v been achier, slightly nauseated, and sometimes my anxiety gets the very best of me.
Living with an auto immune disease isn’t easy as pie.
I don’t want to continue in a negative spiral, however I want to share honestly that it has been, over the years, quite a struggle.
It takes me up and down. But sometimes more down.
I begin to think negatively towards my body.
I hate this I think. I hate the way I feel. I hate being sick.
It was like an electric bolt to my thoughts.
First I think then my body follows suit.
Not the other way around.
My lover helped me see this.
I have been telling my body I hate it and of course it is going to feel abused, neglected and sick.
My body has been my greatest teacher.
She has withstood many rigorous painful storms.
Both physically and emotionally.
She has continued to walk on even with the aches.
She has continued to breath and be a safe harbor for my emotions and dreams.
She has held me tightly together when I thought everything would fall apart.
She signals me into what I am really feeling.
If I am holding too much in.
Or if I am not being kind to myself.
She transforms with the seasons and years I walk through.
She has been the lover that has never left me.
So to you my dear I am deeply sorry for how I have abused and neglected you.
-I am committed to loving you fully.
I am devoted to sending love deep down to comfort all the wounded places.
I am committing to listen to you more. To do things that serve towards a healthier vessel.
See article by Mystic Momma about release!